Quentin Crisp

Life was a funny thing that occured on the way to the grave.

Treat all disasters as if they were trivialities but never treat a triviality as if it were a disaster.

The continued propinquity of another human being cramps the style after a time unless that person is somebody you think you love. Then the burden becomes intolerable at once.

One should always be wary of anyone who promises that their love will last longer than a weekend.

The young always have the same problem - how to rebel and conform at the same time. They have now solved this by defying their parents and copying one another.

Even holligans marry, though they know that marriage is but for a little while. It is alimony that is forever.

Decency...must be an even more exhausting state to maintain than its opposite. Those who succeed seem to need a stupefying amount of sleep.

Nothing in our culture, not even home computers, is more overrated than the epidermal felicity of two featherless bipeds in desperate congress.

The English think incompetence is the same thing as sincerity.

To know all is not to forgive all. It is to despise everybody.