Terry Pratchett

The duke had a mind that ticked like a clock and, like a clock, it regularly went cuckoo.

One of the universal rules of happiness is: always be wary of any helpful item that weighs less than its operating manual.

He says gods like to see an atheist around. Gives them something to aim at.

When the least they could do to you was everything, then the most they could do to you suddenly held no terror.

No. Men should die for lies. But the truth is too precious to die for.

Sham Harga had run a succesful eatery for many years by always smiling, never extending credit, and realizing that most of his customers wanted meals properly balanced between the four food groups: sugar, starch, grease and burnt crunchy bits.

Of course, it is very important to be sober when you take an exam. Many worthwhile careers in the street- cleansing, fruit-picking and subway-guitar-playing industries have been founded on a lack of understanding of this simple fact.

Tourist, Rincewind decided, meant "idiot".

If you put butter and salt on it, it tastes like salty butter.

For animals, the entire universe has been neatly divided into things to (a) mate with, (b) eat, (c) run away from, and (d) rocks.